Not So Silent Cry
by Pure White Lilly
Summary: Kakashi was always the strong silent type who everyone turned to for help but what happens when the tables turn and he finds himself in need of a helping hand. Kakashi/Minato father son relationship.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I own none of Masashi Kishimoto's works or his characters. This is purely a non profit piece of writing.

I also don't own the song Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin.

Summary – Kakashi has always been the strong one who everyone turns to when they are in need but now the tables have turned and he suddenly finds himself in need of a helping hand.

Chapter 1

The key slotted easily through the slightly rusty apartment door lock and gave a satisfying click which signalled the door was now open. The shinobi outside said door however simply stood staring at the tiny hole in the right hand corner, making no move to actually open the door and return home. His kunai grey eyes were glazed over in a vacant expression that betrayed nothing of his emotions or thoughts, they were just empty. Devoid of life. Which to the trained shinobi eye actually gave away more about his real feelings than any look of agony or sadness could have ever done. To the trained shinobi, Kakashi may as well have been a red flag with the letters 'institutionalising needed ASAP' scrawled in ten foot high bogey green letters, that was how obviously in need of help this boy of 14 was.

There was only one problem and that was the distinct lack of shinobi in this particular apartment complex, and civilians tended to be snuggled in bed at this ungodly time of morning. So it was that a 14 year old boy who was suffering was simply allowed to go on home with no supervision to take care of himself as best he could.

'_Sheesh I can't even open a door without turning into a zombie, how the hell am I supposed to function now he's left me?'_

A shadow of anger suddenly darkened Kakashi's cute little face making him look every bit the trained assassin he really was, but he sure didn't feel like an assassin should right now. No, instead he felt weak, useless, a burden and a danger to everyone he came into contact with and he still couldn't open the freakin' door!

He shouldered his door hard in anger trying to snap himself out of his pathetic state but only managing to break his door so he could only close it to behind him. He sighed and ran his now shaking hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down. His little emotional outburst had relieved none of his anger but had fractured the desperately precise control he had maintained up until this point on his emotions, and that didn't sit well with him at all.

'_I need to get a grip on myself if I'm going to get through this. I'm getting nowhere by just snapping and storming my way through inanimate objects that have nothing to do with how shit I feel right now. All I need to do is act like everything's normal and I'll get through this, _and for starters I could really use a bath_.'_

He mumbled the last part out loud to himself as though by sounding it out he could make himself go and do it. After all that was his normal routine when he got back from a mission, give report, go home, get washed and go to sleep... so why did he find himself now in his bedroom staring at his team photo? There was nothing different about the photo after all, same people, same small coffee stain right along the bottom.

'_No it's not the same this time.' _He thought while his eyes finally began to well up with tears of rage and pure agony.

'_It's not the same when you're no longer with us _OBITO!'

He shouted Obito's name with his head thrown back to the ceiling. He screamed Obito's name like he had never screamed before and it was as though the mask that had been carefully in place ever since Obito's death had shattered and he was only now realising that his best friend was really gone forever. Kakashi suddenly became a wild animal in that moment uncaring for his personal possessions or for his own safety. His few treasured belongings were thrown out of windows with the strength of a bear, the tinkle of shattered glass like discordant music to his ears. He screamed and punched the walls and floor hard enough to leave cracks and mini craters until his whole apartment resembled a piece of Swiss cheese. The boy trapped in the body of this wild animal became dimly aware of screaming that was not his own and he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Some of the voices rang out clear from the white noise and he vaguely acknowledged what they were shouting.

"Get help now! Call the hokage! Call his sensei! Call anyone just stop him from hurting himself!"

Kakashi simply growled when he felt four pairs of hands trying to restrain his limbs and body and shook them off as though getting rid of an irksome fly. In his rage he had become stronger than usual from the adrenaline pumping through his veins and these people were mere civilians, no match for Hatake Kakashi. After he felt his fist connect with someone's jaw and fresh blood added to the stuff already coating his skin the attempts to restrain him seemed to stop and Kakashi couldn't have been happier. This was how you were supposed to react when a friend died, not pretend everything's ok and try to live life, not when that friend is Obito Uchiha.

Tears were streaming down Kakashi's face like a fast flowing river now they were uncontained and he noticed through the red haze that they were mixing with the blood on his face, blood he was pretty sure did not belong to the civilians. He realised then that his apartment wasn't the only thing taking a beating around here, even now he found a kunai was in his hand and he seemed to be slashing furiously at his own leg. With a jolt of panic he tried to regain control over his own body but found he couldn't he was simply too far gone to the animal that had taken over. The voice of reason no longer controlled Kakashi, this was a machine running solely on instinct alone, driven over the edge by one final blow to his already tattered life. With a small smirk he thought to himself.

'_At least they can't ignore this. Now they'll know I wasn't joking when I said I needed help! I warned them didn't I? Now this blood is on their hands!'_

"FILTHY LIARS! NO GOOD SACKS OF SHIT! None of you cared and now look... now look."

He suddenly collapsed into a crumpled heap on the floor exhausted and broken. Maybe it was the bloodloss or maybe his body had simply let go of the rage and given in to the tremendous misery inside of him finally. Kakashi just wanted to die. So when he saw a pair of ocean blue eyes surrounded by a golden halo he knew someone up there had granted his wish and sent him an angel to take him to heaven. At least he knew he was going to heaven now as that had always been one of his greatest fears, not knowing whether he was destined for paradise or to burn eternally in hell. Since yesterday though he felt sure he would burn for the sin of allowing his best friend to die, so it came as an enormous relief to be proved wrong for once.

As he felt a pair of strong arms lift him from the floor he summoned the last of his strength to mumble quietly.

"Open your wings... evil angel."

Then the world went black.

A/N – Ok as you can tell I'm not very good at this yet so I'm open to any and all advice and constructive criticism you may have. Please let me know what you think and I'll strive to improve as best I can.

The short length of chapters is owing to the fact I can't really be saving angsty stuff like this on my computer so I only have a few hours to get a chapter written, checked and posted so I'm sorry about this. On a slightly better note I have very long weekends so updates are guaranteed to be regular which I think makes up for this slightly.

Anyway stay tuned for chapter 2!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"No good sacks of sh....."

"Need help..... listen now.... get help!"

"OBITO!"

With a jolt Kakashi sat bolt upright, eyes wild with terror and it took him a moment to realise he had control over his own body again. He was drenched in cold sweat and he realised he had been shouting in his sleep as his throat felt hoarse and scratchy. Thankfully someone had the foresight to place a pitcher of water and a glass on the bedside table to his left, which he was very thankful for as he downed a glass in no time and felt the relief it brought. Footsteps were pounding on wood flooring towards him and he lowered his gaze from the door, too ashamed to face whoever it was that had saved him.

He could feel someone's presence at the door but he couldn't bring himself to meet their gaze so he pretended to be studying the pattern of his duvet instead, it wasn't his own as the duvet was patterned with little foxes. His was plain navy blue.

The person at the door coughed politely to get his attention and Kakashi felt he could no longer pretend not to have noticed them, so with much trepidation he slowly lifted his gaze from the duvet to finally look at his saviour. His heart sank when he saw who it was. This was one of the last people on Earth he would have wanted to see him loose control like that.

His sensei wore a pitying smile on his face. Obviously he wasn't aware of how transparent his emotions were to Kakashi. For some reason the pitying look did nothing to make Kakashi feel any better, instead an angry surge like fire spiked inside of him and he quickly turned away to try and hide it from his sensei. It wasn't his sensei's fault that he seemed so pathetic after all.

"It's ok Kakashi kun I don't think any less of you. We all snap at some point. To be honest I'm surprised it didn't happen to you sooner and if anything it's our fault for not noticing the signs."

'_Well you sure know how to make a person feel better' _Kakashi thought sarcastically. Minato's little speech only made him feel even worse, because although Minato had outright told him he didn't think any less of him his face belied his words. That was always Minato's downfall after all, he was simply too easy to read.

"You can cut the crap sensei I know what you really think. I can see it in your face. I hurt someone didn't I? A civilian no less, that makes me less than trash and you know it."

There was a long, very uncomfortable silence before Minato spoke up again.

"Well I can't say I'm not a little disappointed that you didn't come to me before to ask for help that's all. I don't blame you for hurting the civilian though, anyone with half a brain could totally see they needed to leave you the hell alone until a shinobi came for help. I wouldn't worry about him anyway other than a fat lip he's fine."

Kakashi was simply stunned into silence. Of all the people he had been practically pleading with for help not once had he gone to see his sensei. When he finally found his voice it was hard to get his words out.

"I'm sorry sensei. I guess the one person I never wanted to look weak in front of was you, yet you were the one person it makes sense to go to."

Kakashi felt ashamed that he had allowed himself to even get close to breaking point like he had when here was someone who could have stopped it from happening altogether. Minato was just one of those people who always seemed to know what to say and how to help and he had always been there for Kakashi. Seems it just wasn't enough.

He had been only barely holding himself together for some time now, first after the death of his mother. That had hit him harder than he could ever have imagined. As a shinobi he was always prepared for the possibility of death, but anticipating it and having it actually happen were two totally different stories. He had been too young. He had never been quite the same after that and that had just been the tip of the iceberg.

The death of his father had hit him even harder as after his mother's death they had grown closer than ever before. They had each other to keep themselves from going under. It had been working until his father had been disgraced after a failed mission in which he had chosen the life of his team-mates over the success of the mission. Culminating in many lives lost as a result of his father's stupidity.

After that failed mission it seemed Kakashi just couldn't bare to look at his own father the same way again. It was Sakumo after all that had taught Kakashi the importance of succeeding in every mission and taught him the shinobi code till he had learned it by heart. Sakumo maybe could have gotten through the angry jeers and comments if his son had been on his side but it seems luck wasn't to smile on him and finally he took his own life to escape the pain.

Kakashi had never really forgiven himself after that.

As much as he agreed with the villagers about his father's failure he had never wished it to end like this so it came as a shock to find his father lying in a pool of his own blood with a katana through his heart. Kakashi had been too shocked to move and it was only when Minato sensei had come to find out why he hadn't met up for training that he managed to move him away from his father's body.

He would never forget the glazed look in Sakumo's eyes and the grey palour of his skin.

Kakashi had been on a downward spiral ever since. Obito's death had been the straw that broke the camel's back and he had finally lost it. He began shaking as the memory of Obito's half crushed body filled his head. He buried his fingers in his silver locks and tugged hard at them while rocking back and forth muttering Obito's name under his breath.

"Obito i'm sorry, please forgive me Obito. Obito!"

He suddenly felt a pair of strong arms encircle him from behind and he was pulled back into a warm chest. Kakashi couldn't remember the last time anyone had hugged him and he found the sensation comforting. He stopped rocking back and forth and instead opted to bury his face in his sensei's chest and cry his eyes out.

"Shhh it's not your fault. Stop being stupid Kakashi kun and get a grip. Obito wouldn't want to see you like this. You'll soon be competing with him in the cry baby stakes if you carry on like this."

Despite how miserable he felt Kakashi couldn't help letting out a muffled chuckle against his sensei's chest. It was just like Minato to make light of such a dire situation like this and manage to still honour Obito's memory regardless. For the first time since Obito's death he felt safe and protected. Slowly his tears began to dry and he peeled himself away from Minato.

"Thank you sensei."

It was all he could think to say right now and he was exhausted anyway. The medics had obviously done a good job patching him up but he still wasn't ready to be moving about too much. Sleep seemed like the best thing at the present time.

Minato slid off the side of the bed to leave but found a small hand was encircling his wrist in a death grip despite the boys' drowsy state. He turned back to look questioningly back at his student but found he was already asleep, a small frown adorning his cute little face.

The yellow flash of Konoha simply sighed and was just glad Kakashi was unconscious to Minato's own tear stained face as he lay on top of the covers beside him. Minato was more upset about Obito's death than he was letting on but he felt Kakashi needed him to be strong for him right now, so he had done his best to hide his moment of weakness.

He brushed aside a small silver lock of hair that had stuck to Kakashi's cheek from the tears and simply stared at the boy beside him in wonder. It had always amazed Minato to see how strong Kakashi was, he was still a child after all and had been through more than most of his jounin friends had and yet he had held it together all this time. Minato was immensely proud of his student for all this so it broke his heart to see him so vulnerable. It left him feeling guilty that he hadn't noticed the signs and he felt it was his fault as much as anyone's that Obito had met his death so early.

He gave himself a little mental shake when he realised the dark path his thoughts had taken and resolved to never again allow himself to think this way. Right now he had to be Kakashi's pillar of strength otherwise the poor boy will surely fall. He had seen the psychiatric reports after all and they all pointed to one seriously fucked up child.

His own grief would have to wait, this was all about Kakashi now. He had to help him heal.


End file.
